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[December 17, 2008 | 09:39 PM] Hi, livejournal.

What I have been doing with my life... [February 24, 2008 | 07:37 PM] In case anyone reads this and/or cares... 1. I am still at USF. Junior. Mass Communications. I have no idea when I am actually going to graduate. U Stay Forever. 2. I've been working at Victoria's Secret for 1 year and 2 months. I'm hoping to hold onto the job part time until I'm out of school. Why not. 3. I'm about to start substitute teaching. I just need to send my reference forms in and attend an orientation. 4. I'm going to be living with my mom until I save up for a new apartment with Jaclyn back in Tampa. That will probably be by the end of the summer. Basically, its been npr -> tampa -> npr -> tampa. hopefully soon I won't be in either city anymore : / basically, everything is going pretty good. apartment hunting. internship hunting. Family stuff is the same it's always been. My dad's mid-life crisis is continuing and he is absolutely bat shit crazy. worse than ever. But you can't pick your family, right?

wow... [May 10, 2007 | 02:44 PM] I haven't been on here in a while. The whole look of everything has changed even. I really wish I had found time to update the past year, because SO much has changed since then. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a completely a different person, but really most things about me have changed since high school. Some have said it's a bad thing, however I'm pretty happy with who I've become believe it or not. Thing is, though. You can only stay in New Port Richey so long... At first glance, it's pretty fun how everyone is connected and somehow knows each other at least through 1 or 2 people. But really, I need a change from the whole NPR lifestyle. The groups of friends change, but you're still partying with the same people from high school, hooking up with the same people from high school, or the same groups you met through them, and there is drama resulting from that. It's totally a vicious cycle, and I don't know if it's just limited to this little bubble we live in, but I think it's time to give something else a try. I'm applying to transfer schools this fall, and I'm really scared. I've really effed up things academically, especially this past semester. I know admissions is a little easier for transfers, but I really think I messed up a good thing. Anyways, I applied to UCF and FGCU so far. I guess I still have time for some other schools, since deadlines aren't really until July, but still... what am I going to do if I can't go somewhere else? My scalp is currently being burned since I'm touching up my highlights, but I know I'll be back to update again. Livejournal has died down since it reached it's peak a few years back, but I kinda like it better like this. I can still vent, if there's someone to read or not.

what a hiatus... [July 23, 2006 | 05:02 PM] I had almost completely forgotten that I had a livejournal. It was once my life, but myspace slowly emerged and that was that. But yeah, I think updating every so often again would be therapeutic. So much has gone on in the past few months, having had the internet to talk about it to could have possibly helped things along. So basically, I almost willingly lost one of my best friends ever over some guy. Thank god I didn't. Sometimes it takes becomming really close to someone to realize how much of a waste of time they really are. I worked at the pathology lab temporarily, but my mother and I were about to kill each other every day and realized working together would not possibly work, so now I work at Trade Secret, the salon/store thing in Gulfview mall. Probably temporarily. I get enough hours, but it's minimum wage. Not working, especially since Nikki and I are moving in together in December. So currently looking for a higher paying second job. My mother created a myspace in June only to send me a message telling me how "out of control" and "wild" I am. Ok, basically, since high school, I have changed a lot. I am more of a party girl than before, that;s for sure, but I still go to work every day, I am still focused on school, I don't do drugs. I'm fine. She just doesn't see that. I got kicked out of my dad's house then mom mom told me she didn't want me there either. You know, same deal that happens every summer. Moving back home was a bad, bad idea. Oh yeah, and I've gotten more ass this summer than combined for my entire life. Surprising change of events, I guess. It all comes with being more confident. Everyone was right when they startes telling me that years and years ago. But yeah, I still don't have it all figured out, but it's really nice to pretend. I sort of know where I'm going and I know who my true friends are now. It's been a summer of growth, and I'm happy. Finally.

[February 26, 2006 | 01:02 PM] I went back home for a few days because my drunken grandmother was visiting. It was pretty ok... I'm back now, and I'm thinking again. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. As of next semester, I'm clueless. I know where I want to be in 3 years, but I just wish I could skip over college and get there now. Putting it plain and simple, usf really isn't what I had thought it would be. It's hard to meet new people and the majority of the new people... aren't really who I want to surround myself with. Where are all the cultured people? The smart, witty, funny people? The interesting people? It seems like no one here has the same interests in music, style, film, culture, etc. as me and the ones that do just don't look inviting enough. I want to go to shows again. I want to sit in coffee houses and talk for hours again. I want to look at stars and go to the beach at night and have picnics and go to the park and watch crazy movies and sing. It seems like there aren't duplicates of my old friends here, and I think that's what really pisses me off. Nikki and Chrissy are amazing. Don't get me wrong. This isn't about them in any way. It's just about how I was told I'd meet all these amazing people at college like me, and no one here is like me. I think my problem is that it isn't really academically focused. Granted, it isnt fsu, but isf is sorta a party school. the people that come here to really learn are most likely over 30 or foreign. no offense. so basically, rather than spending 7000 a year to live in, no, to share, a room the size of a walk in closet, i've figured out a few options for myself: a)I can live at home and commute. ok, so I heard it sucks, but this semester, I only have class two days a week. that definitely wouldn't be bad. plus, I can have two jobs if i stay back at home. one during the day when i don't have class, then my nighttime weekend job my dad got me. b)I can do the disney college program which I heard is amazing and fun, and having disney on your resume is good for getting a real job and theyre affiliated with abc, which is great since I want to be a news reporter c) I can do the exchange program and go to rhode island college or university of rhode island for the same tuition cost as usf. living with my family would be free, and I love it up there and hopefully could meet new people and do my own thing for a while. d) I can try to transfer to a different school I don't see a great chance of uf, but since I'm getting straight as, I might be able to find a better school, but then I have the problem of choosing that school. ugh... it's so stressful, but I'm just figuring, why settle? If I'm not happy, then why should I stay somewhere I'm paying out of my ass to be at? I've thought it through the entire year, and I know I want a change, but I just need help making a decision. Give me your input. for now, I'll just watch Almost Famous and relax.

thanks mtv for motivation... [February 16, 2006 | 04:52 PM] Does anyone wanna let me borrow 8000 dollars for eight weeks of fat camp?

exchanging body heat in the passanger seat//you know it will always just be me... [January 16, 2006 | 12:32 AM] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | panic! at the- lying is the most fun a girl can have... ] Going back after 6 months was so strange. I felt part of it, yet I was entirely not. It's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I miss all of you guys so much. I haven't laughed so hard, talked so much, or cared so deeply in a long time. I know who my true best friends are, and I will never trade you for anything. Drew and Yelena surprised me so much at thespians. Yelena friggen was a-mazing in light my candle! I couldn't believe it !She totally came out of her shell. Drew's solo was so so great. he made me so proud. Everyone did. I had forgotten how amazingly talented everyone was. Dennys afterwards was a goood time. Especially at the very end, even though I shared some stories I had been better off not saying. lol. On the way home, Vicky and I had a discussion about marriage and kids. Apparantly, she thinks I'm goign to be crazy and elope or run off to vegas drunk or something and then act like it didnt happen and have a huge wedding later. Then I was like, are we seriously this old?! We're friggen old geezers now. We have real lives coming up! umm... I talked to corey on the phone for like 2 hours today. I realized how much I missed that. It's crazy. but yeah, dont worry.  yelena... no travelling back in time. that would  not good. but after all that happened last year, I'm so glad I'm mature enough to be friends, not like I didn't want to be over these past 6 months. I have work tomorrow at noon and I just wish I could stay back here another day and see everyone more, but I guess I have to do what I have to do. But people should come up and visit me, k?! I have more wit, a better kiss a hotter touch, a better fuck than any girl you'll ever meet sweetie, you had me

[January 13, 2006 | 07:43 PM] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | The Format- Give It Up ] Ummm so the whole away at college with no car thing is starting to really suck again. My mom was supposed to pick me up to go home yesterday. Whoopsies. That didn't happen. Then, I told her I'd get up early so i can be picked up in the morning. 3 PM was the latest i could get home. It's almost 8:00. She's so unreliable and it sucks. If you can't take time out of your day, then let me take care of myself and give me my car that's just sitting in the driveway at home. It's so dumb. I've been on the verge of tears all day and that's not like me. It seems like everything is incomplete and nothing is working out. I can't even put my finger on it, but everytime I start thinking about the future, whether it be next year, next week, tomorrow, I feel let down. I think I just wish my life had changed more by now than it has. At the beginning of the semester, I was working out every single day and eating pretty much nothing and I lost like 15 pounds. And I was all like "in your face, freshman 15" and now its like completely reversed because I never have time to do anything for myself anymore. Its always school, work, family stress. So, I look the same, if not worse and that was my number 1 thing I had to change about myself. I've lost my passion. I really don't have any hobbies anymore, I pretty much don't socialize when I'm at school... I'm just so different than what I had expected after a semester at college. I wish I had gotten the money to join a sorority. But I guess some things are alright. Today I got an email from fueled by ramen (the record label) and they want me to be an intern, so I thought that was pretty cool and hopefully it'll work out. I'm going to thespians districts tomorrow. I'm "moral support." It can either be a great thing for me or a really tremendously awful thing. Either I can have fun for the day doing what I always used to and I never get the chance to do anymore or I'll end up being so sad because coming back home from it will be the realization that 1) I am no longer in high school 2)I am no longer a drama kid 3)all my best friends still are 4)and their lives have moved on and 5)I pretty much can't go back to the life I used to know. UGH I need to not be sad. Make me happy. Please?

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